As I'm sitting here in my office wondering why I decided to try to work for straight commission, my mind tends to wander to things more profound. I've always been unsure of whether or not I believe in fate. I think I must believe in it because I know in my heart and soul that the things I've experienced, good and bad, in my life have brought me to this singular moment in time when I sit at a keyboard contemplating the next steps of my life.
As I've gotten older, I've relied more on faith and God than in my own abilities. It's not that I doubt my self. It's not that my abilities are weak or inept. It's more so that faith and God, faith IN God, has gotten me further in life than anything I've ever come up with on my own.
I hear people ask the question often, "How could God let that happen?"
If they truly relied on God, or had faith in Him, they'd already know the answer.
It's never simple. Life, that is. It's often messy and difficult, happy or sad. Life is bipolar. It's up and down and the only medicine I know that works is faith. Faith that even when you're in your darkest hour and you feel as though God has left you to fend for yourself, you have to know He IS there, weeping for you and with you. And know that when everything is good He's there holding you up, lifting you higher.
God is the only stable thing I know. It's the secular world that makes me cringe.
Who did you turn to in your darkest hour? Did you drop to your knees and pray? Did He hear you?
In my darkest hour, I stood strong on my own two feet and chose to ignore the darkness. I needed no one...nothing. And then the darkness consumed me and I fell to my knees to pray, I fell to my knees in what I thought was weakness. It was then that I discovered the light, and then that I discovered that what I thought was strength was actually stubborness. What I thought was survival was actually denial.
God had been there all along, and through it all, He held on to me, never letting me go. He was the Strong One, keeping the darkness from devouring me.
And from that point on...I live in the light. Even on days when money gets tight, when marriage gets hard, when patience gets scarce, days when darkness knocks on the door...I know that HE is the one that handles it all. I know that I have to let go and let him take care of me...and this life of mine.